i don't like sucking hair
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
