She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
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I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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