The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
