Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
