Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
