Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
