I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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