we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
