No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
