My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
