i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
