I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
