One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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