are you still at the devil's house?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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