Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
