i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
