everyone is single if you try hard enough
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
