walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
