i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
