I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
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He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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