YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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