Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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