piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we made out on top of his cat.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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