I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
