I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
