it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
