Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
