I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
