yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
