shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
