i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
