She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
