It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
