Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
God, I missed his penis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
