Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
