worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
