that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
