Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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