weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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