I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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