I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
