I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
