I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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