Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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