Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
