Life is so much better after having sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
