saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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