Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
