a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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