and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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