mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
