I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
