im drinking this country out of the recession.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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