Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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