i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
