So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
