She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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