Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
