Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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