If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
