i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
