like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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