you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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