I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you would pick up someone in the library
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
